past year memories

the past year wasnt technically a smooth and pleasurable journey but at least i enjoyed myself and am now here looking on into the horizon of the incoming year.now at last all of the masks have fallen away.the strings of the puppets have become visible and the hands of the prime mover exposed.now once again i taste that same bitter taste of the terrible illusion that i always have every year ... hope.

lets see at the start of the year i went to SRJC wondering why the hell was i sent to such a school.i remember the first day i was a super intovert just sticking to myself watching and absorbing everything calculating all the risks and advantages into making alliances before i made them but somehow things didnt go as i planned and soon i was making friends with everyone out of which the closest ones were vanessa, jia ying ,my brother andrew,eunice and nisha.but as it was written in the book of fate we walked on different paths and sepearated occasionally meeting but that soon stopped as the stress of jc life pressured me more and more.

after my SRJC day i found myself in SAJC the same feeling the same way as i did before , alone and friendless but i guess my experience in srjc softened me and i started trusting people faster which was both an advantage and a disadvantage in some matters but i shall not pursue them any futher. then came the choosing of cca when i was all out and hoping to enter council went through interview but however once again fate came into the picture and made sure i wasnt able to get what i wanted.then cause most of my friends joined ics so i joined it to spend time with them. thus the year went by filled with troubles, fears and huge waves of happiness well as the saying goes wadever that has happened in the past has occured for the best, wadever that is happening in the present is occcuring for the best and wadever that will occur in future will also occur for the best.thats about it for now this is the nightwolf signing out.

wrote something just for fu hope u all enjoy
Memories of youHaunt me every day
A never healing wound
And nothing left to say
I die a little every day,
I die a little anyway
For the memories,
for Hell inside of me
No true emotions
No true regrets
No true devotion can live off bitterness
My hollow inside
My hollow heart
My restless soul is longing to depart
Come surround me with your grace
Wash away my deep disgrace
Take me in to your sweet embrace
Where I can live in sin
I die a little anyway,
I die a little every day
For the memories,
for Hell inside of me
No true emotions in my hollow heart

and due to the amazing powers of influence boredom had on me i decided to do a survey i found on ragus blog
What Time is it now? 10.00pm
What is your full name?karthikeyan s/o A sadhananthan
Single or taken? single
What does your name mean? it was the name of a warlord.reddemer of the celestial being [devas] from a demon
Who picked your name? aunt
What's your nickname? i got lots
shadow,[chalits class]
secret weapon [srjc war games]
kaya [platoon mates]
nightwolf
lord nayekihtrak[sec 3 sec 4 nickname]
steeldragonboy[sec1 sec2]
karthi[practically all chinese people who come into my life]
boy[selected cousins]
appu[granny]
the beast[4E1]
deathknight[secondary school guys again cause i was sparring akido using a metal bar]
How old are you? 17
What color are your eyes? either dark brown or dark green im not sure im colour blind rmb
you have an innie or an outie? innie arnd new friends a major outie arnd old friends
What size are your shoes? 13 or 14 im bigfoot
How tall (or short)? 178
Honestly what do you like about yourself?the ability to get up after i had been driven into the ground.
What do you always get complimented on? foresight, the ability to judge people for what they are after being around them for a while, my judgement, my ability to crap and confuse my teachers just for fun. in fact my ability to crap
Phone Number? i dont think i have to put this up
haircolor? Black
Do you wear contacts? no
Living Arrangements? Parents and an elder brother younger brother and granny
*FAVORITES*~
Favorite Drinks? milo milkshake,milkshake, milo dinosaur, chocolate milk
Favorite alcoholic Drink? I don't and won't consume alcohols
Favorite month? november
Favorite fruit? papaya
Favourite Board Game? monopoly
Favorite Web Site?you tube
Favorite animal? the dragon
Do you have more girl or boy friends? i have no idea too many to count
Who's your bestfriend(s)?
Are your parents together? Yes
How often do you get together with the family? everyone is just at home
Anything special about your parents? my dad is a childish nut who is strict and firm abit contradicting ah
Siblings?two
~*YES OR NO*~
You're a flirt? no most of the time shy guy u noe
You're slutty? No!!
You're anorexic? No
You can keep secrets? Yea
You dance in front of the mirror? when im hanging wif my guy friends
Do you sing in the shower? once in a while
Do You Like Your Cousins? duh is that a trick question or something
You've been in a bathroom?no i have been in wad they call a toilet
You've seriously hurt someone? nope dont think so
You've been hurt seriously? yea but if it was that serious i wouldnt have got up right what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger
You curse? in secondary school one word every three sentences but now more refined
You get your way? when im in a highly manipulative mood but lately i have been giving in alot
You're willing to try new things? yea
You've cheated on a test? would finding out that someone copied your paper be considered cheating?
You've smoked? depends on what type of smoke ciggerate smoke no
~*RIGHT NOW*~
What color are your pants? blue
What are you listening to?they will return by kalmah
How are you feeling? screwed, bored, fucked up, sad and uncertain but in someway enlightened
What are you doing? drawing,listening to music,playing rakion and a bunch of other stuff
What are you eating? nothing
How many people are online? 66
How's the weather? It's stop raining
What books are you reading? none
~*OTHER QUESTIONS*~
What was the last movie you saw?english movie
What did u eat for dinner? rice and other indian side dishes
What are you hoping for? world peace ...yea right... i guess is for me to fit into something somewhere and not be treated like an outsider most of the time
Have you ever fallen asleep in school? yea got screwed by rajagopal for that one
What movie do you really want to see? Eragon and death note 2
What is your locker combo? nope
Where is your favorite place to travel? utophia
What did you last dream about? a demon lifting me up and ripping my heart out and swallowing it
What was the last thing you ate? didnt we already do this one
If you were a crayon what color would you be?blue or red
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? hamidah
Do you hate anyone? dislike alot but do not hate i have an over forgiving nature
Ever had a crush on a teacher? Nope
Are you too shy to ask someone out? maybe maybe not
.
Scary movies or happy endings? scary movie
Summer or winter? Winter
Relationships or one night stands? relationships
Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate
What did you do last night? do you seriously wanna know

judgement

i always thought my sense of judgement was very good ever since secondary school where i took alot of decisions by myself from those whom i mix with to the decisions i make when i had to deal with a tricky situation.normally i would think about the advantages and disadvantages to any alliance i make however this whole year was just filled with bad judgement. i should have never just blindly entered into a friendship with anyone should have thought about everything. i realised i changed alot ever since i entered jc. y does my heart yearn for friendship all of a sudden when i have been so used to working alone. i guess im losing my touch well as the saying goes once bitten twice shy this mistake will not repeat again the old me is gonna come back...haha..was being an idiot the whole year thinking that stuff will work out even though i foresaw alot of problems in almost every single freindship i had y issit when im happy just for a while something happens that casts me back into the shadows of angst.y cant people around me be more plain and too the point saying out there intentions straight to my face first before extanding a hand in friendship with me and untop of that being appretiated in something which i had been working so hard on sacrificin everything i liked to do in to it. well at least im not broken as another saying goes what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.oh boy i can promise this a new player will eneter in those mind games which people think are playing on me the pawn will become the messiah once more.thats all for now this is karthik signing out

Utophia

sometimes i wish i could retreat somewhere and turn my back on the world to go live on the mountains in a cabin where i can just watch and admire the eagles soaring through the skies. to live near a forest with the refreshing fragrance of the pine trees relaxing your mind while i lie on the ground near a lake filled with pure sparkling water enjoying life as only a man reprieved from a terrible death sentence can enjoy life. but since i know that i can never live in that utophian land i guess i have to come back down to earth now. i havent blogged for like the past two weeks was due to the various shit that happened to me such as being betrayed by a brother, being cast down, being grounded, framed, wondering why i hald become very cold and loads of other shit that made me just pissed with the world and its hypocrisy which had dammed me. Then came the ICS problem and i guess that was the spark that kinda caused all the rage welled up to come out and those guys who were just at the wrong place at the wrong time got it big time and i think our president jacintha got most of the attitude.Since i am no fool to blame fate for this tide of events i guess i have to apologize to everyone for my immature behaviour yesterday which was not honorable in any way.But however i guess part of my decision still stays i wont dance for the second song due to manpower problems and also due to my dislike of the song but i guess i will do my best to get more guys for the other song. on a lighter note i just finished watching deathnote on youtube and boy is the storyline good i would recommend the movie to anyone who hasnt watched it.well i guess thats about it for today this is the nightwolf signing out.