looking back

throughout these past 2 years, i realise i changed alot. Used to be that type of person who always would do his best to look out for himself. Never once did i ever have the obligation to rush to a friend's aid when they were in need.Never felt the need to explain my actions and always thought i could be those type of person capable of manipulating stuff.Then i realised that i was never meant to be a mean little thing after being in the company of my friends.I started to look out for everyone.Soon i was also able to tell if anything was wrong just by greeting the person or would always have this empty feeling if something was wrong.Got determined to be the friend who was always there to lend a shoulder to cry on.That was both my downfall as well as the only thing that raised me up.I got closer to so many people and for once felt like part of something and not an outcast which was just spat out of hell. However i got blinded by emotions too.

I guess during tmt all of us were just tired and depressed that the only thing we did was compare what each other did and label each other names i do not want to mention.It brought about the worst in us and i guess thats what made us break apart.soon beacause of all the pointing of fingers we lost ragu as a friend and i guess that was just inevitable and i wish i could just turn back time to prevent all this politics from happening.I also started feeling alot of pain when i lost friends one by one and trust me that is not a good feeling.I guess i have been a hypocrite sometimes and have never told you fellas some stuff that i was going through some due to not trusting and others due to the fact that i felt alot of my fears were quite stupid and that i would be mistaken.There are some stuff that i should have said to my friends during our last day in school but i guess pride stayed my hand.After the recent developments i think yea it may be the time to open up abit and step down from the damm pedastal.i guess i treasure my friends alot to the extent that i see so many of them as my kindred rather than just some other person you will meet down the street.I'm not the all perfect cold bugger that i have been trying to make an impression on you fellas.i guess im going to miss all of you guys terribly at that fact. from mei fungs innocene at everything to premilas down right bitchyness.I know im full of error but yea most of the time my intentions are good i guess.went through quite abit of shit just to understand that i treasure my friends and the memory of those who are not friends anymore. They tried to be always there for me,accept me for who i am and not even thinking twice about their decision when the shit hits the fan.I think i would also like to thank most of my teachers for putting up with my tonne of bull shit some even pulled out through and were there for me like ms ye when i need them the most.